They Weren't Kidding About This 'Growing Up Too Fast' Stuff

Gypsy will be 10 weeks this Thursday and I'm already finding myself stunned by the massive amounts of growth and progress taking place before my eyes on a near-daily basis.

During tummy time yesterday, she rolled over. I thought it was a fluke, put her back on her belly - and she did it again. Clearly not a fluke. I didn't think that would start for at least another month, but lo-and-behold, she did it. She's a strong little bunny, so ultimately, I guess I shouldn't be that surprised. You should see this little girl's legs. Muscle tone that leads me to believe we've got a Serena Williams situation here. Speaking of which, she's making me learn to love my own strong legs. Suddenly, I have a newfound appreciation for my gigantic calf muscles and thunder thighs. Hers are so fucking adorable I can barely take it.

Anyway - she's doing a lot of things I wasn't expecting just yet - like drooling, thumb sucking, taking interest in the television and chatting/yelling up a storm.

It's all adorable - and every new development sends me over the moon... at first... and then I find myself horrified by how quickly it's all happening. Her startle reflex seems to be disappearing too - (in fact as of today it might be gone) -  which is great for her - but sad for me - especially because I find it so hilarious.

What everyone says is true: They grow up way too fast. I'm already imagining her as the rebellious teen who is dating men she shouldn't be and I'm grimacing at the thought. I'm also constantly reminding myself to enjoy every single second of her infancy because despite the sleepless nights, it's the most amazing, adorable, insane and miraculous thing I've ever experienced and it will never happen again.

This is my first and only baby. There won't be another.

Don't even try to tell me that once I've forgotten the agony of pregnancy and childbirth, I'll be dying to get knocked up again, 'cause it ain't ever gonna happen. My husband and I are standing very firm on this. We are, without question, one and done.

That said, it's all the more reason I'm so bummed that she's already growing up so fast. Of course, I'm totally excited for all of the forthcoming developments - eating solid food and watching her light up when she likes a new taste... crawling... walking... talking... I mean, who wouldn't be? But I know the second these things happen, I'll be misty-eyed thinking that my little baby is going to be an adult in the blink of an eye.

So for now, I'm going to go marvel at my little girl's drool, while I still can.


Another Reason Gypsy is a Lucky Little Girl

Her daddy creates things like this:

Good thing too - because I haven't had 5 free seconds to write this week and so I'm hijacking his comic this week as my blog.


And if you want to see more fun stuff:


Sleep Training

A good friend of mine warned me about receiving oodles of unsolicited advice from people both during and post-pregnancy - and I have! Up until now, I haven't actually solicited any advice at all, either because I have already googled the shit out of the subject and formed my own opinion on whatever it was I was confused/concerned/curious about - or because it's mostly been me asking friends - "Is this normal?"

But now I am asking for advice. I may not follow it. I may secretly think you're nuts for whatever you suggest, but I am outright admitting that I am at a bit of a loss for what to do in our current situation re: Gypsy's sleeping arrangements.

Here's what's transpired thus far:

For the first few weeks, Gypsy was up at night - almost all of the time. Occasionally, we'd put her down in her bassinet - and she'd be fine for a short while, (maybe a 1/2 hour or so), but she was mostly wide awake - and eating around the clock. John and I pretty much started watching her in shifts.

In the past week or so, Gypsy has started sleeping for more than a couple of hours at a time - sometimes even going 4 whole hours without stirring. It has been blissful. That being said however, she outgrew her bassinet pretty quickly - and we've graduated her to a crib, (albeit a mini-one so it's not overwhelmingly huge), but she doesn't like it. Not one bit.

Anyway - at our last visit to the doc, her pediatrician recommended that we start up a bedtime routine... something along the lines of doing her last feeding in the dark, rocking her for a bit - and putting her down in there while she's drowsy but still awake - and then singing to her or reading her a bedtime story. The pediatrician told us that we'd fail at this for the first 30 - 40 times we tried it - and we have! At least we're on track there! She also told us not to immediately take her out of the crib if she starts fussing - but to go to her, comfort her a bit by talking softly, rubbing her belly, etc. and then only taking her out of her mini-jail if her fussiness escalates to a full-blown cry/wail. Check and check. At most, she lasts in her crib about 5 minutes before the wailing begins.

The other night - I was determined to get the whole crib thing to work, so I told John to go to sleep - and I'd just keep at it until I found success. 4 hours later, after singing the entire Adele album to her like 100 times, (I know all the lyrics by heart already), I gave up. She wasn't having it.

So, for the past many weeks, both John and I have still been sleeping in shifts with Gypsy on the couch. John never actually sleeps. Sure, he'll nod off, but no real extended periods of sleep. Fortunately, I have found a way to catch some zzz's while doing this - but it isn't easy.

Parts of my body are starting to hurt because thanks to breastfeeding, I only go to our actual bed for a few hours a night and leave Gypsy with John - and then usually just decide to stay on the couch with her for the rest of the night because it's... well... easier.

So I am getting some sleep - though I don't know how deep or restful it truly is - but I am definitely starting to grow tired of the whole setup. (I'm sure some of you are reading this and thinking that I'm doing better than most).

I know I don't like the idea of "sleep training" - where we simply let her cry it out for 3 - 4 nights until she gets the drift that she's on her own because we've basically fucking abandoned her, so my question to you folks is...

What do you suggest?

Should we just keep sticking to the bedtime routine and hope that it finally works and does so on a consistent basis?
Oh - and YES - I am familiar with the 5 Ss. We've done it all. She just doesn't like the crib.

In happy news however, she's smiling and giggling a lot.


OMG, I'm Such an Asshole!


No really.

Until I had Gypsy, I knew that I could be a bit of an asshole - but I didn't really know to what extent. Now I'm pretty clear on the matter: I'm a total fucking asshole.

Prior to being a mommy, (still getting used to saying that), I had a blog called 'To Kid or Not to Kid' where I spent two years writing about whether or not to have a child. I wrote about lots of stuff - especially the myriad pros and cons of parenthood - but sometimes I'd attack other parents for doing something I thought was truly asinine. I still stand by most of my attacks because some parents just do what can only be considered truly stupid, awful and/or seemingly cruel. Certain parents do deserve a bit of criticism. I'm sure at some point I will too... but I am going to try really hard not to do anything truly worthy of such vilification. But anyway - my point here is that I am an asshole - not for the fairly justifiable critiquing of some truly psychotic parents - but rather the unfair and pretentious judgment of one of my own mommy friends.

As a parent of a near-6 week-old, I now find myself eating humble pie because I devoted an entire blog post to ridiculing a very dear friend for throwing a 6-month birthday party for her child. I thought she was absolutely out of her goddamned mind. I thought she was kidding at first when we got the invite and resented having to go. After all - almost everyone else there was a parent too - and John and I were the odd men out. It wasn't exactly bonding material. Everyone's kids were in tow as well - (it was her child's birthday party after all) so we were kinda bored - and all the more primed to sit in judgment as non-parents wishing there was harsher alcohol on-hand to cushion the blow of our boredom.

Now I finally fucking get it  - and I've been thinking about what an asshole I must be for not getting it before. My friend was celebrating the fact that she managed to keep her kid alive for six whole months! As the parent of a newborn who got sick at two weeks and was dragged to the ER in the middle of the night, I totally fucking get it now. Having a newborn is scary as hell. Any kind of sickness for a newborn is earth-shattering. SIDS is pretty much an unspeakable horror. Newborns are a shitshow of constant newness, paranoia and blood-curdling fear.

I am terrified all the time that I will do something wrong - or that Gypsy will somehow find a way to suffocate herself to death in her tiny bare-bones bassinet.

Even though I want to cherish every single second of this adorable infant phase, I am COUNTING THE DAYS until she's six months old. The threat of SIDS will diminish considerably, and I will feel a bit more relaxed if/when she starts rolling over onto her side or stomach when she sleeps. I may even breathe a momentary sigh of relief. Yes, I know that once you're a parent the worry is permanent - but come on - it seems pretty damn apparent that the first six months really are just a nonstop stress fest. Will she suffocate or just stop breathing for no reason whatsoever? Where are the results of the genetic tests they conducted in the hospital? Is she too cold? Too hot? Why won't she stop crying? Is she colicky? Does she hate me already? Should she still be cross-eyed from time-to-time? When should we sleep train her and can we bear it? When is she old enough to take on the subway and do these sound-muffling headphones really work? Is she pooping enough? Has she gained enough weight? Is this nap too long? Too short? It's enough to make anyone an absolute lunatic and want to celebrate hitting that 6-month milestone.

Anyway, I am very lucky in that the friend of the aforementioned 6-month birthday party didn't hold the post against me. Or at least she didn't get so mad that she stopped talking to me. Instead, she behaved as any adult should - especially a parent adult. She informed me that it offended her. I think I apologized - but I'm sure it rang hollow. It didn't matter though - she totally forgave me and hasn't brought it up since... until last week... when she came over to meet Gypsy. I said something, (don't recall what), that made her laugh and say something along the lines of, "So now you get why I threw a 6-month birthday party) - and I said "Yes" pretty damn emphatically. I also apologized - again - only this time, it was significantly more heartfelt.

I am an asshole and I really am so sorry.

XO - you know who you are.