So... Breastfeeding.

I realize this is the BEST POSSIBLE THING for Little G, and it's why I'm doing it.

Yes, it is a lovely little bonding thing, and yes, the health benefits for her are tremendous - no denying. It also helped me drop the 18 or 19 lbs. I gained during pregnancy practically overnight.

That said, we are just about 6 months in now... and I'm not gonna lie - I am getting very tired of walking around with comically large breasts. I was huge to begin with, (around a 36 DD or E or some nonsense), and now I'm walking around with a 36 G. A G!!!

I recently took a day trip to D.C. for work. Literally - a day trip where 10+ hours were spent traveling and about 3 hours were spent at an awards luncheon. I bought a hand pump for the occasion to bring with me so that I wouldn't wind up painfully engorged. Guess what didn't work? It was a nightmare. So there's the discomfort factor too - and carrying around an electric pump the size of a lunchbox that weighs about 5 lbs and has too many components to make it truly transportable sucks - as does feeling comfortable pumping in a public women's restroom with other women waiting on line to pee. Needless to say - this was bad planning on my part, and I won't be doing that again.

Back to the preposterous size of my boobs:

I am 5'2" tall - and while I'm curvy and not exactly small-boned, these breasts are officially disproportionately large on my person.

It is NOT okay.

I'm getting to the point where I am getting ridiculously self-conscious about it - especially as the weather warms up and I'm having to shed more layers. I also hate nursing bras. Yes they are convenient - but they're slightly padded adding even more insult to injury.

Of course, I'm going to hang on for 12 months of this, (so about another 6.5 to go), but the second I hit 12 months, I am done. D-O-N-E. done.

Then, I'm going to examine my breasts every single day like a neurotic does, to see if they're shrinking back down to their pre-pregnancy size, (which was already a bit too big).  I'm not exactly sure how long I'm supposed to allocate to this. A month? Two months? In any case, if they don't at least go back down a few cup sizes, (preferably 3 although I'll take two), I'm seriously contemplating a reduction. Once again, good thing I work for the best plastic surgeons in the entire world at the American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery (ASAPS).

Speaking of ASAPS - I'm heading to Vegas shortly for our Annual Meeting, and I'm supposed to attend a cocktail event where I'll need to dress appropriately. Tonight, I'll be rifling through my closet to see if I even own anything that will fit over my massive mammaries. If not, I'll be doing some shopping this weekend and daydreaming about October, which seems very far away at the moment.

Thank God I have this adorable drooly little distraction!


Even the Way She Sleeps is Cute!

What baby sleeps like this ALL THE TIME? Oh - our does! We think this is the cutest thing ever. If your baby does this too, raise your hand! (Or leave a comment).

Anyway - life is chaotic at the moment. It's my busiest time of year work-wise, John is working like 3 or 4 jobs depending on how you look at it, (between watching Gypsy most of the time during the week along with teaching and freelancing), we're both trying to get healthier, (which translates to us both doing a LOT of cooking, measuring and prepping food in advance and squeezing in trips to the gym), there's family stuff, (which I won't elaborate on), and we're eyeballing new apartments. I'm not bitching though. In essence, I've never been happier.

I don't think I need to explain why. (See pics).

That said, I'm not going to deny that the thought of leaving her behind for 9 days as of March 31st is driving me batshit insane. I'm heading to Vegas for work - and it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever for her to tag along. She will be WAY better off at home, with her daddy, on her normal schedule in her normal environment. The time difference on the west coast coupled with long hours would be no bueno for little G. Not to mention the weird setting.

I am totally aware that this is the best thing for all involved, including me.

Doesn't make it any easier.

But there's Facetime and Skype... THANK GOD and I know I'll make it through this.

I just hope Delta gets me back in one piece. You hear that Delta? I'm on a red eye, alone - which makes me ALL THE MORE ANXIOUS. Don't fuck this up Delta. I need to see my little one grow up, okay? Seriously. There's never been more on the line than there is now.

Thank God for Ativan too. You don't want to see me on a plane without it.


Oh, For the Love of Ghostbusters

I really, desperately wanted to love the new Ghostbusters.

Like so many others though, I groaned when we heard they were doing some sort of remake with women. I had no idea who they were casting. I didn't really want to know. I didn't understand why a remake was necessary, because the original was... perfection.

Ghostbusters was a monumental part of my childhood. If I recall correctly, my dad took my brother and I to see it at the Mann Valley Theaters in Tarzana, when my mother was in the hospital recovering from major surgery. It was a great distraction and it has since been one of my favorite movies of all time.

Anyway, I was casually watching TV - barely paying attention to what was on, because Gypsy is the world's biggest distraction - and there it was: The trailer for the new female reincarnation (more or less) of Ghostbusters. I saw the faces of many comedians I love... and for one brief second, I was intrigued and even had a glimmer of hope that the remake might not be a hacky, horrible, let's-just-do-this-because-well...WOMEN... type-of-deal.

Unfortunately, but not surprisingly, my hope was dashed.

If their best material was featured in the trailer, (and it usually is), it just wasn't anything special. The jokes were obvious,  a lot of what was referenced was just regurgitated/rehashed by women and only slightly updated, and there just wasn't that energy that was practically tangible in the original.

When Chris Rock called into question why men and women still have separate best actor/actress categories at this year's Oscars, I couldn't have agreed more. Why on earth are we still separating men and women when it comes to acting chops? This seems arcane and inappropriate. Yes, I am aware of the ever-present pay-gap between men and women - but it is the continued separation of men and women in instances like the Oscars that help perpetuate this unfortunate reality.

It all the more highlights my point here too. As fantastically funny and wonderful as all of the comedians in the revamped Ghostbusters are, the trailer made it pretty clear that they are nowhere near as good as their predecessors, which I can attribute to two things: Freak-of-nature talent like Bill Murray's which you really can't compete with - and MUCH BETTER WRITING. Wouldn't have mattered what private parts these new Ghostbusters had - they were doomed from the get-go.

But that's okay! It's okay to say something isn't as good as the original. It's okay to say these comedians weren't as brilliant as the first set who inhabited these roles, because they're ALL COMEDIANS. If we hold everyone up to the same exact standards, perhaps people will judge based exclusively on talent and merit and NOT on gender, race and other should-be-irrelevant-by-now nonsense.

Is this pie-in-the-sky thinking? Perhaps... but it's what I desperately want to change so that Gypsy never has to give one unnecessary second of thought to this crap.

Hey look - she's holding a bottle... on her own!


"Having it all Kinda Sucks."

So I read this article recently - and I had a pretty strong reaction to this section:

"Here's what I think is going on: this whole "having it all" business has been grossly misinterpreted by our society at large. The purpose of all that bra burning back in the '60s was to give women choices."

"Here's what we tell women today: You not only can, but should have a career and children -- because if you don't, you're basically a) lazy, b) weak, c) not a real woman. But also, you should do it without any support. Without government-paid maternity leave (what are you, a socialist?). Without too much childcare (because then you're a shitty mom) or falling behind on the job (because then you're a shitty employee  --  typical woman!). Without too much help from your husband (because then he's a pussy)."

We applaud companies for paying for female employees to freeze their eggs, but don't push them to give women the space to have children during their actual child-bearing years and come back to work without losing their place in line. Instead of changing the systems, we tell women to lean in. Because of course, it's our fault for not taking initiative. Fuck you. I'm leaning so far in I'm falling flat on my face.

I do think, though, that we should cut it out with the fairy tales already. Stop telling women they can have everything without sacrificing anything. Here's the truth: You want to have a career and kids? You totally can, but both will suffer. You will never feel like you are devoting enough time to either. You will never feel like you are good enough at either. You will never get time off (at least for the first several years). You will always be choosing between things that need your attention, and you will almost never choose yourself. You will be judged for nearly every move you make and you will never measure up to anyone else's expectations.

Okay - here is where I really beg to differ. First and foremost, it is challenging to generalize about what "having everything" means. Having it all for me may not be even slightly similar to what it is for you - and that's fine because we're all different people, people! That said, assuming there is a baseline here for having it all, (a happy marriage or relationship, children and a successful career), then we can work with that - and for me, personally, this is where I really deviate from the author's perspective.

I am back at work - full-throttle in fact, and I'm loving it. Personally, I have discovered that I need both things - a career and a family - and that doing both feels totally right. The author of this piece claims that your career and kids will suffer if you attempt to do both.

I vehemently disagree and I think the implications behind that sentiment are actually dangerous. To me, this tells employers that they should avoid hiring women in their childbearing years because if they have a child, they will potentially take a lot of time off and/or fail to deliver the goods in terms of quality work when they return - and  to boot, they'll constantly be frustrated because they can't strike a balance between work and parenting. This woman is saying that we can't 'do' it all - vs. having it all - and there's a difference.

We can do it all, if we want and/or choose to. In fact, I think we can do virtually anything we set our minds to, but of course, you need to decide for yourself what works and what doesn't.

My point here is that I am working full-time and parenting now - and I don't feel either is suffering. In fact, I think my child will eventually benefit from having a female role model who is driven and more motivated now than ever to succeed in the workforce. In the meantime, I feel as though I do have enough time with her and I don't feel she is suffering in any way, shape or form. Pretty sure my work isn't suffering either - in fact - I think becoming a parent has re-lit the fire under my ass to constantly strive to do better - because I want to set an example for my daughter.

This was really the main point in the piece I took umbrage with. I agree with a lot of her other points... that social norms need to change... it's okay to opt out of having kids, opt out of working with kids... etc. etc. etc. But the part about work and children suffering if you opt to do both? That I can't support. She might feel that way - and if that is the case, I feel for her - but by saying to everyone else that will be the case for them too - she's ultimately making matters worse for any woman thinking of doing both - parenting and careering. Not okay.

I think she examined her own personal experience - realized that diving right back into work mere seconds after having a child might not have been the best move - and is more or less projecting that onto other working parents. Sadly though, I think that sends precisely the opposite message of what she'd like to send.


But here's a cute video of the ever-adorable Gypsy, enjoying a single word... "Yum."