The morning of my C-section, my husband John wrote this. I thought I'd share it given that I am in no place to write this week and because I love it.

 

Enjoy.

 

October, 22 - 2015 - 8:45am

My dearest baby girl, Gypsy…

"Please be careful - the plates are REALLY hot."

This was the profound advice offered to me when I first ate at a Mexican restaurant and it has stuck with me all of this time. I now pass this sage bit of wisdom on to you.

Okay, obviously that was a joke… but then many-a-truth is said in jest… so it's not entirely without merit.

The point I'm really trying to make here is that if I can attest to any one slice of advice to you, it is that laughter can get you through practically anything. 

Make no mistake, the world is a glorious, profound, exciting place to be… but it can also be terrifying, heartbreaking and soul-crushing. But there is one thing that can slay all of life's dragons, and that is laughter.

Your mother and I laugh together a lot, and I would attest that is why people fall in love.

Speaking of your mother: consider yourself extraordinarily lucky that she is yours.

Mom is wise, strong, feisty, intelligent, learned, and - yes - funny. One of the things she used to tell me when we were first dating was that nobody ever considered her 'funny' whereas she cracked me up all the time.

You mom and I weren't high-school sweethearts and we didn't meet at a college mixer. Nor did we work at the same office or catch each others' eyes at a concert. We both dated lots of other people before we met. 

But we both knew we were WAITING… we were waiting for the 'right' time and we both had the awareness to understand that we'd know it when it came along. We WAITED for one another, and it paid off immeasurably.

Similarly, we did not follow the standard operating procedure of having a baby right away. We WAITED. And when the time was right, we both knew it.

My point is, you were INTENTIONAL. 

We waited to have you because we wanted to bring you into this world when we knew that we could give you the kind of love and attention you deserve.

As I write this, you are approximately 6 hours away from being born. Your mom and I are a whirlwind of emotions - including nervous, anxious, scared, excited, delighted, rapturous and happy beyond measure. 

We can't wait to see you face-to-face.

We have so much love for you we can barely contain it and you're not even out in the light of day yet. 

Your mom has devoted an entire blog to you, so I'm trying to be brief, but I wanted to put down in writing what I was thinking about on the day of your birth.

I can't possibly predict what the future has in store for our humble little family, but I can tell you this with absolute certainty: There will be puppies, there will be laughter, and there will be love.

We love you.

And, yes, if you go to a Mexican restaurant… PLEASE be careful… the plates are REALLY hot.

Daddy

Leigh Hope Fountain 0 Comments

I am not going to lie - I am utterly exhausted as I write this, despite having actually managed to get some sleep on the eve of Gypsy's birth. In a way, it's a blessing, because I think I'm still too tired to let my nerves get the best of me and turn me into an absolute disaster on what is most certainly going to be the most dramatic and life-altering day of my life, (and John's for that matter).

It's 8:45 a.m. - and I'm sitting on the couch with our puppy Anna, sort-of watching the news, but not really absorbing much of anything anyone's saying, wondering when I'll actually start getting ready to head off to the hospital, where I'll reluctantly be living for the next 3 - 4 days. I think I'm sort-of in shock.

I could've written a post yesterday, (given that I really do need to start getting ready soon), but I honestly wasn't feeling it. After a couple of years about debating about whether or not to even 'kid' in the first place - followed by another few years of wanting to but not being able, and then finally making it happen - I was sort-of at a loss for words -  and apparently, I still am.

But I think that makes sense. The enormity of this is truly overwhelming.

And on that note, today is Gypsy's birthday! It's finally here. After nearly 10 months of worrying, escalating discomfort, a laundry list of complaints and a seemingly endless stream of doctors appointments, tests and scary obstacles to surmount, it's finally here! We're going to be parents!

WE ARE GOING TO BE PARENTS.

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germs park slope pediatrician pregnancy

(Photo from AmericanPregnancy.org - Had to use it. The look on the kid's face is priceless).

I am pretty sure that a handful of people advised me to check out pediatricians before Gypsy is born. I heard them - I just didn't really listen. I figured that our options are probably somewhat limited anyway, seeing as how we don't have a car, shouldn't really take a newborn on a subway - and will probably need to see a pediatrician in the local vicinity that we are within walking distance of.

That said, I knew I had to find someone - but didn't really start exploring this until a few weeks ago. Nothing like waiting until the last minute, right?

Little did I know, you are technically supposed to have a pediatrician assigned to your child even prior to that child being born. Why? Because the hospital won't discharge you without one, your insurance provider needs to be informed accordingly and apparently, you have to see your pediatrician with your infant in tow a mere two days after being discharged from the hospital. (Still trying to wrap my head around how we're going to make that happen post-C-section, but whatevs).

Anyway, I got a referral for a pediatrician from an intelligent, trustworthy friend who just had a baby about 7 months ago herself. I ran with it. I figured that she's bound to know if this practice is any good or not - given that she used them for the first 1/2 year of her child's life prior to relocating to Michigan and because she, like me, is pretty damn down-to-earth.

Nevertheless, when I phoned the practice to inquire about new patients, they convinced me to attend a monthly Open House they offer for new parents. At first blush, I was like - OH NO. Here we go. Park Slope parent nonsense. Ugh. Then I thought about it more. I need to be a good mommy. I need to know whose hands I'm putting my brand new baby girl into - and if they're sane or not. Plus, I do have a few questions about a few things I'm not entirely sure I'm on board with. Okay, okay, I'll go.

I also conned John into accompanying me.

We got there at 6:30 p.m. on Tuesday night. I had to be home for an 8 p.m. work call, so I was hoping it wouldn't be formatted in such a way that would prevent me from making a nearly undetectable escape. We showed up a few minutes early - and a relatively large seating area was already occupied by a handful of other couples. One of the first things I noticed was that a few of the other women, like me, were clearly already almost ready to pop. Whew I thought. I'm not the only one who waited until the absolute last minute to deal with this. Then I noticed a few who weren't even really showing or barely. Ha! I thought to myself. I'm glad I didn't subject us to this nonsense months and months before it was absolutely necessary.

Mind you, I was sort-of creating my own little justifications for stuff to a) eliminate guilt and b) cushion the blow if this wound up being the most pointless exercise ever and John demanded to know why on earth we had to waste our time in the first place. I could then retort by stating that at least we only had to experience it once - and better safe than sorry, right? John had asked me what they were going to do at this thing before we showed up  - and the truth was - I had no fucking clue.

Anyway - much to my surprise - most of the couples there were very nice and had decent senses of humor - and we all exchanged niceties - due dates, complaints about being in the final stages of pregnancy, Kirk or Picard, etc. Then the last couple walked in - and the vibe of the room changed significantly. For lack of a better term - they were prissy. Because seating was now limited, every guy in the room offered their seat to her - despite the fact that a few were still available but she clearly wanted to sit right next to hubby   and asked staff to bring out additional chairs, which they readily did. When she sat, I had to do everything in my power to stifle my laughter because this woman who looked every bit the Stepford Wife, was seated in just such a way that I got quite the upskirt view. It was hard NOT to notice.

Anyway, the pediatrician hosting the session started in - and I was pleasantly relieved. She was a cut-to-the-chase type, had a very prepared presentation of about 3 or 4 brief points she felt were of the utmost importance when choosing a pediatric practice for your child - and namely for first-time parents to consider - and breezed through the info within mere minutes. At the outset, I didn't know if we were going to be subjected to videos, powerpoint slides, condescending do's and don'ts and who knew what other types of fresh hell I had braced myself for just in case?

Again - relieved. It was actually quite informative.

Then the Q&A started.

Prissy had countless questions - many of which pertained to vaccines, which the pediatrician had specifically stated she wouldn't be addressing at the outset in group format due to the political and sensitive nature of the subject, but Prissy pushed her - and wound up getting her to present what I felt was a very level-headed and down-to-earth perspective. They recommend them and work with parents on a schedule they're comfortable with. Cool. I was more concerned about what to do with your child before they're vaccinated however - and that was my one pressing question.

Do we really need to be shut-ins until our little girl has been fully vaccinated?

And the answer was, "No" - which was what I was hoping for. In fact, they discourage it and think it's pointless. The doctor said something along the lines of, "Unless you're Beyoncé or Jay-Z, you're going grocery shopping and bringing all of that stuff back with you anyhow."

As anyone reading this blog already knows, I am a big believer in exposure to germs. I think it's a GOOD thing and this idea of over-sanitizing everything really irks me. I am convinced it's doing more harm than good. I want our baby girl to build up immunity to things. I'm not going to take her on a crowded subway or to Times Square just yet - but can we take her out and about to local family friendly restaurants and what-not?

Yes, yes we can.

And speaking of overly-sanitized, these docs don't over-prescribe antibiotics either.

Yay. Turns out my friend was right. These guys are perfect. Done and done, however last minute we were.

Oh - and in case anyone is wondering, we will have a baby girl in ONE MORE WEEK!!!

Leigh Hope Fountain 0 Comments

gadgets kids screen time technology teens

I've been so preoccupied with all things pregnancy that I haven't really spent much time assessing various scenarios, trends, news stories, etc. the way I used to.

Given that I am just mere weeks away from bringing a lovely little girl into this world, I've finally started paying more attention to what is going on in that world and the impact it will (or won't) have on our little Gypsy.

One such story caught my attention recently because I've noticed that each and every time the subject comes up, I have a pretty powerful response - and that story pertains to kids and gadgets.

The Today Show did this story covering the American Academy of Pediatrics' recent changes to its recommendations for how much screen time children should/shouldn't have and when.

I won't bother delving into the details, but a few quotes from the actual AAP struck a chord:

 "Today, more than 30% of U.S. children first play with a mobile device when they still are in diapers, according to Common Sense Media. Furthermore, almost 75% of 13- to 17-year-olds have smartphones, and 24% admit using their phones almost constantly, according to the Pew Research Center."                                               

"In a world where “screen time” is becoming simply “time,” our policies must evolve or become obsolete. The public needs to know that the Academy’s advice is science-driven, not based merely on the precautionary principle."

                 

Okay - so here's what's irking me:

The idea of a child interacting more with tech than with people while still in diapers is quite disconcerting - and I see it constantly these days. I don't care what the guidelines say, I don't like it, I'm not doing it.

Nobody knows what the long-term consequences are of whatever might be deemed over-exposure to screen time from an early age because it hasn't happened yet. Forgive me for sounding like a total square, but honestly, I'm already seeing the rather hideous repercussions of a generation that seems incapable of communication without a device. They barely know how to interact face-to-face, can't maintain eye contact when they do, and lack what I consider to be fairly basic social skills. It's disturbing on many levels - and I think it's a shame. I can only imagine this will be far worse with younger generations who aren't even given the chance to learn how to interact and socialize with other people because their parents handed them ipads to keep them busy and out of their hair - at precisely the time when I get the impression they need more attention and human-to-human interaction. To be clear, I am not pointing a finger and saying that everyone who hands their devices is an asshole. I am saying that those who hand their kids devices so they can skirt their parenting obligations and/or always use that as a tool to shut their kids up are assholes.

Yes, I am well-aware that this sounds incredibly judgy - and as someone who has not yet been in those shoes, it is very, very easy for me to judge from afar, but seriously... What are we going to be dealing with in a handful of years when someone can't even maintain eye contact without getting freaked out about it? I just foresee a generation of socially inept people who I personally wouldn't want to engage with and therefore probably won't.

For the record, I love tech. I just got a new iPhone and I truly adore it. If you took it away, I might even pitch a fit, but I also recognize my tendency to look at it too frequently myself, so I try to monitor my use and try not to let it get too out of control. Anyway, I realize that incorporating tech into a child's life is not only inevitable but beneficial in many ways as well - and I plan on embracing that - but I don't care what anyone's recommendations are, (and I know John doesn't either). We're going to create a plan of action that makes sense to us for our child - one that we believe won't jeopardize their ability to develop keen social skills that enable them to carry on actual conversations with other human beings, face-to-face even, because nothing turns me off more than the idea of a child that has a stronger reaction to a device than a person.

Now let's just hope we can stick to our guns on this.

Leigh Hope Fountain 0 Comments

germs Gestational Diabetes gross hand sanitizer hospitals pregnancy brain subway zombies

So in 3 weeks, Gypsy will join us and I will be a first-time mom. I can't even begin to describe the extent of my anticipation and excitement. No really... I can't. I can barely wrap my head around it even after 9 months, so rather than attempt to ascribe a series of words to it beforehand, we'll just leave it there for now.

Another first however is not quite as attractive to me: The hospital stay. I've never stayed in a hospital overnight for anything - and quite honestly, I'm dreading it - and we're not talking one night... we're talking a minimum of three.

Chances are, I'll be sharing a room with a stranger. I'll have just gone through one of, if not the biggest life-altering moment I'll have had and possibly ever will have - and there will be someone else in my room. Someone I don't know. I'm quite social - but I don't like this prospect at all.

Then there's the food. I'm on a restricted diet as it is for gestational diabetes - and actually I'm totally cool with that, but the last thing I'm going to consume, particularly after Gypsy is born, is hospital food. (John honey, I hope you're prepared to do a lot of running around). Also - wine. There's no way in hell I'm going 4 days without wine after having a baby. We'll be sneaking it in somehow - and by "we" I mean John. Not sure how, but it's happening. Yes, I'm breastfeeding. No, I'm not going to get loaded. CALM DOWN.

There's also the fact that I am a night owl. I guess I'll be watching a lot of crappy television in between feedings every two hours. There will be no Netflix, Hulu or DVR. (I know, I know, first world problems). But I've earned my right to bitch and moan at this point, haven't I?

Also, while I have no fear of doctors, nurses, needles or generally anything of the sort - I am afraid of the germs in hospitals. Necrotizing fasciitis anyone? Did I check myself in to a hospital to potentially become as close to the un-dead as one can get without going full zombie? NO, I most certainly did not. MRSA is seriously one of the creepiest grossest things I can think of - and I feel like all of the hand sanitizing stations in the world can't seem to eradicate the presence of the antibiotic-resistant bacterium that appear in hospitals nationwide that have us one step closer to actual zombiedom.

WHY IS THIS?

A hospital should be the most sterile place you can be - and yet somehow I'm more comfortable on the dirty, grimy, germ-riddled subway cars of New York City. Over-sanitization? My thinking is YES.

Keep that gelatinous hand sanitizer away from me and my baby. I don't trust it. Regular hand washing and wipes will do just fine, thank you.

Speaking of subways... (SPOILER ALERT) -  Did anyone see the latest episode of The Mindy Project? She gives birth on a subway  - on a subway! She was scheduled for a C-section - or as she aptly refers to it, her "Baby Removal Appointment," and instead went into labor on a New York City subway. This is one of my biggest fears. I'd really prefer to be above-ground... even on the street in fact. I'm hoping I don't follow suit with Ms. Lahiri and that I get to keep my happy little baby removal appointment on Oct. 22nd despite it requiring a hospital stay. And speaking of which, it just occurred to me that Gypsy's birthday will literally be a surprise party.

I love it.

Leigh Hope Fountain 0 Comments

Wow. I swear no more than 5 minutes after I recently exclaimed to a colleague, "I really can't bitch too much. This pregnancy hasn't been that rough," did I get hit with a supreme wave of hell in the form of a hemorrhoid.

Headaches and heartburn have dominated my life for the past many months - but I was spared the horrific hemorrhoid until fairly recently. Perhaps this is TMI, but I honestly feel compelled to share this information with friends, family and really, anyone contemplating getting knocked up who hasn't yet, because this is one of those things that nobody really talks about - and apparently, it's one of the more common side effects associated with the whole pregnancy thing. Personally, I appreciate knowing what lies ahead. It gives me an opportunity to brace myself accordingly - but nobody warned me about this. Having never had one before, I assumed I wouldn't even while pregnant. That was stupid.

Nothing could've prepared me for the levels of discomfort the evil creature inhabiting my ass would create. Again, my apologies if this is TMI - but seriously... SERIOUSLY - hemorrhoids are straight from hell. I have heard myself exclaim, "My ass literally feels like it's on fire." Note the use of the word literal. That was intentional because, THAT IS WHAT IT FELT LIKE. And don't get me started on the itching. It feels like something is MOVING AROUND in there. It's creepy and disgusting and downright awful. And try sitting on a subway acting as if you're perfectly fine, when in reality, you're silently suffering and counting the stops until you're able to get above-ground again, wondering if moving around will actually even help, knowing that it probably won't, but here's to hoping, right?

I am well-aware of how indelicate this subject is, but again, I feel it's my duty to be forthcoming here. If you are thinking about having a child, be warned accordingly: Morning sickness will probably get you. If it doesn't, you're among the lucky one-in-four who is spared... (as I was), but before you celebrate... be advised that you might have to battle what can only be described as an 'ass demon' down the line.

For me, headaches and heartburn are old hat. At times they've been intense, but relatively manageable. Unpleasant? Yes, but manageable. No biggie. But hemorrhoids? Are you kidding me?!? Holy $#!*balls, Batman! NOT OKAY.

The pain and discomfort seriously had me thinking, "This kid better be an absolute doll - nothing less than a ray of sunshine, 24/7, or else." Of course I realize that this is an impossibility. Nobody is perfect. Fine, fine, fine, but she better be damn close.

Leigh Hope Fountain 0 Comments

I received a call from my mom sometime last week  - and I could hear it in her voice. She was definitely very upset. I didn't need to ask why. I already knew what was up. Interstitial Cystitis (IC) - a disease that most people still haven't heard of despite it's impacting an approximate 3 - 8 million women and 1 - 4 million men in the United States alone, has plagued my mother with debilitating chronic pain for as long as I can remember.

She was diagnosed when I was still a very young girl and was hospitalized at one point, during which she underwent a full hysterectomy, which produced a series of complications that led to a much longer hospital stay than anyone in my family anticipated.

To this day she reminds me of the conversation I had with her doctor during one of our hospital visits:

"When is my mom coming home?"

"Very soon."

"You say that every time we're here and then she doesn't come home. You're lying."

Needless to say, it made the doctor feel terrible, but there really wasn't anything he could do. She had lost her cerebrospinal fluid and needed to recover from that on top of the hysterectomy.

Despite a massive operation, it barely made a dent in what would ultimately become the bane of my mother's existence. Interstitial Cystitis would change her life dramatically - impacting her ability to do things many of us take for granted, like walk long distances, exercise and attend events, (including those she considered important throughout my childhood). It would impact her mood, her overall outlook on life - and her will to live, (though I wasn't really aware of this until very recently).

My mother has fought a disease that has subjected her to chronic pain now for more than three decades. We're not talking about mild pain either. We're talking about stabbing and burning to such an extent that she literally cannot do much of anything on days where her flare ups are really bad. There is no cure. There are treatments, though most are incredibly unpleasant, including one she has undergone herself countless times, wherein they instill your bladder with an acid-like substances to try to burn off the ulcerated lining). Fortunately for her, the treatments have more or less worked over the years. (She only resorts to them when the pain becomes just too unbearable). Unfortunately for her, one of the more recent treatments hasn't really delivered the same results - and she has been horribly depressed, having to undergo a second round of bladder instillations which also have yet to produce the results she's looking for - even after 6 weeks of them.

So when I got this call the other morning, and for the first time in my life I heard her admit that she has thought about taking her own life - it broke me. I was horrified and stunned. I know how upset she has been over the years for even having this illness. I know she is riddled with guilt over it, (which is absurd because she had nothing to do with it). Nevertheless, she STILL feels guilty about missing those supposed "important" childhood events of mine. I can't recall her missing anything. She was at every dance recital, every play, every everything I can think of. She says she missed things like Open Houses. Who the hell cares??? Well, apparently, she does. She wanted to be at those. Frankly however, I have no recollection of her missing them, but I feel terribly that she still beats herself up over what seem to be to be very trivial things. But she's a mom... and moms want what's best for their children - and that would've meant her not missing a single thing - ever, no matter how trivial.

In any case, her admission of thinking about taking her own life gave me serious pause. As those of you who know me may already know, I am petrified of death so I cannot even begin to imagine a scenario in which that thought would cross my own mind - but then again, I have never, ever experienced chronic pain. (Knock on wood).

She has... and she has for well over 30 years - and as she explained, she is, "...tired of the fight."

As anyone can understand, this is not something you want to hear your mother say - especially when you're about to become a mother yourself. Thing is, she's really been struggling for a while now - and she needed to get it off her chest - and I'm the one she talks to about these things. I think she actually tried to hide it for quite a while, because I'm pregnant and emotional and dealing with a lot myself... but I'm glad she said something - because it forced me to take a look at things... like how someone could even think that - and what I might be able to do to help her... because that's what I love to do best. I love to help people. I have read about her disease time and time again - Googling everything and anything to see if there are new treatments available she might not be aware of because she refuses to read about her disease. (It depresses her, freaks her out, etc.) She also still doesn't know how to operate a computer, so there's that. I have actually found a few things for her on occasion - and she is always eternally grateful, so when I got this most recent call, I was on a mission to conduct more research - find something she hasn't tried yet - something that would give her hope and eliminate any thoughts of wanting to cease her earthly existence. After all, Gypsy needs her grandmother and really, I still need my mom.

Fortunately, my mom called me again later to reassure me that while she may have thought about it in a very, very dark and desperate moment, she would never ever go through with it. She will keep fighting.

THANK FUCKING CHRIST.

Obviously, that's a very good thing - but I hate that she has ever experienced so much pain to begin with that she even gave it a moment of thought. Also, my mother is one of the strongest people I know, so for her to feel like quitting really speaks volumes about just how horrible IC is. (Apparently depression and suicidal thoughts are very common in people with IC. Sadly, some people actually go though with the suicide part). In good news, now that I'm gigantic, (see pic) and having a harder time being mobile, I have plenty of time to read and research the latest treatments for her illness. Interestingly, but perhaps not surprisingly, Botox is on the list.

Anyway - this is partially why I haven't written much recently. I've had a lot on my mind.

P.S. - If anyone reading this knows my mother, please do not even mention this to her. She's incredibly weird about people even knowing that she has this disease and she'd probably kill me for writing this. Good thing she doesn't know how to use a computer.

Leigh Hope Fountain 0 Comments