It was decided long before Gypsy was born that I wouldn't be taking a long maternity leave, (unaffordable, not super-feasible with my gig and didn't really seem like something I'd want to do anyway). And so, I took three weeks off following Gypsy's birth. Not surprisingly, they FLEW by. Once they were over, I was actually feeling fairly ready to dive back into work life - but was thrilled to be permitted to work from home for a bit because C-sections are a bitch to recover from - and I wasn't really mentally ready to let Gypsy out of my sight. She still didn't even seem real.
I was very happy to be doing something other than sitting in my apartment on the couch watching television and it helps that I really like my job. Also... newborns sleep a lot - and while I love staring at Gypsy sleeping, there's only so much of this you can do in a day. Oh - and there's the fact that my apartment has become a claustrophobic clusterfuck of baby things. Anyway - work helped me get back into a groove - a routine, a semi-semblance of normalcy. It was good all-around... until it wasn't.
After about a month or so of spending my days on the couch with a laptop a puppy and a baby, I realized I was starting to go a bit stir-crazy in my pad and that I had more than taken advantage of my bosses' accommodations with respect to working from home for a bit. I also noticed that I couldn't stand the lack of social engagement on a day-to-day basis. It was abundantly clear to me at that point:
I am not a stay-at-home mom.
And so, I made a plan to get back into the office and I put it in writing. I didn't really articulate this as intelligently as I should've to my bosses in hindsight - but now I know why:
I was totally scared of going back to the office and leaving Gypsy behind. The thought of being away from her on a regular basis terrified me, despite knowing she'd be in phenomenal hands - her daddy's.
It wasn't a lack of trust - in fact it had nothing to do with John. I've already seen that he's my equal when it comes to parenting. It was straight-up separation anxiety. I had grown so used to being with Gypsy almost 24/7 that a change was really fucking scary, especially because I am so ridiculously in love with her that I can hardly handle it.
But I did it. I went back to the office - and you know what? It felt really, really good. I even loved my commute again! Being on the subway, (and not driving) listening to music and people watching is kind-of awesome. So is setting foot into Manhattan - the busiest, loudest most interesting city in New York. It just felt right. Don't get me wrong - I missed Gypsy like crazy and obsessively texted, emailed and called my husband to make sure she was okay for the first few days, but I was able to enjoy being back in my office.
Apparently, I just had to get my feet wet with the whole 'leaving baby behind thing.'
What I realize now is that I am not and will never be a good stay-at-home mom. There are those that are built for it - but I'm just not. I need work. I need to leave the house. I need social interaction with other adults and I need a change of scenery. I am restless, I am curious and I am driven - and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.
In fact, I think I might be setting a good example for my daughter, even though she's not aware of it yet.
Plus... it helps to have a husband who LOVES the idea of being a stay-at-home dad.
Leigh Hope Fountain
As anyone reading this blog regularly knows, our little Gypsy hasn't been a great sleeper and has basically insisted on sleeping on us the vast majority of the time. We have accommodated her and I even trained myself to sleep on my back on the COUCH in order to do so - but I know this is NOT smart for a multitude of reasons. Namely:
- Anything can happen when you're sleeping and I can't be entirely sure she's protected. She could shift her position and wind up smothering herself. We all know this would be very, very bad. I don't need to go into great detail.
- I don't sleep well this way. In fact, I'm not entirely convinced I do any real sleeping at all this way. No sleep = crankypants.
- It isn't good for her. I mean come on - she's got to learn to sleep like a normal person at some point. At first we resorted to a swing - a lovely rock n' play that everyone raves about. It worked - kind-of... in that she'd sleep in it for short stints, (maybe an hour - two if we were really lucky), then wake up and demand the chest again. Again, not good for her and not that great for us either.
- My husband and I hadn't slept in the same bed for three months. THREE MONTHS. We slept in shifts. One of us was always on the couch with her and the other in bed. After a while, I realized it was easier for me to just stay on the couch most of the night. My left shoulder started hurting... a lot. It sucked. Again, no bueno.
After three months of this nonsense, we realized something had to give.
At her two-month well visit, our pediatrician told us to begin sleep training. We looked at her like she had just asked us to sacrifice our baby to the devil. No way! Too young. I asked my Facebook friends what to do and got a mixed bag of responses. Many condoned sleep training. Others didn't. It was totally helpful and totally not because at the end of the day - I realized we had to do what was right for us and our daughter - because when you're a parent - you have to turn off the noise of everyone else's opinions and make your own.
That isn't to say the info I received wasn't helpful. It TOTALLY was. In fact, I did a ton of reading based on those recommendations and everyone else's experiences and ultimately, it helped me come to a conclusion with my husband one full month later:
It was time to sleep train this little girl.
And so we started. In fact, I believe we've now been on this quest for 9 days. Today will be day 10.
Good thing too, because we started about a few days shy of her three-month "birthday" and had just received an email from our pediatrician warning us about the failure to sleep train by three months. It was incredibly, incredibly ominous. Honestly, it sent a shiver down my spine.
Ultimately, we went with some type of sleep training that isn't quite as harsh, (I guess), which was more or less the Ferberization method.
Don't get me wrong - this method is still no picnic. You put your baby in the crib after a bedtime routine - and walk away - letting him/her cry it out for small increments at first - and gradually increasing over the next handful of days. You can go in and comfort your little one during those 5, 10, 15 min. increments but cannot take them out of the crib. As any mother will tell you - this goes against every cell of your being. Your instincts and hormones are BEGGING you to free your child from the confines of its baby jail. BEGGING. It is torture.
Anyway, I quickly realized that the so-called 'comforting' your baby didn't do much in the way of comforting - at least not with ours. Sometimes, it would make her cry louder and really dish out some of those desperate cries - the ones that brought me to tears. After about 3 or 4 days - we decided to truly let her just... cry it out.
And it worked! Each day, the crying lessened in both intensity and duration to the point where she would barely cry on-and-off for a little while each night. Then she regressed and had a really bad night of almost non-stop crying for two hours. I texted a smart girlfriend about it. She offered sage advice and told me to stick with it. I did - and cried with my daughter - but in the next room where she couldn't see or hear me. After a week + of this, I wasn't giving up. Last night was a huge improvement again. Not only is she not crying that much - but she's now regularly napping in her crib too - without much of a fuss. In fact, there was only a brief 10 minute crying fuss fest last night when we put her to bed - and then she slept pretty consistently until 3:00 a.m. - when she woke up for a feeding. Then she went right back to sleep - in her crib - without any fussing whatsoever. And then she did that again at 6:00 - slept pretty soundly until around 10 a.m.
It was AMAZING.
So, I guess this opens me up to all kinds of criticism for being a heartless parent - for ignoring the needs of my child and putting my own needs first. Well, trust me when I tell you naysayers - Gypsy is sleeping better, is noticeably even happier, much more active and playful and we are MUCH better parents, because we are SLEEPING. Sleep is precious. I have never been a fan of it, until it was pretty much taken away from me for nearly three months. Now I have a brand new appreciation for it entirely.
Leigh Hope Fountain
I knew a move would ultimately be inevitable, but we may actually break our lease early in an effort to pre-empt Gypsy's crawling and walking firsts, because our current apartment just isn't conducive to either.
Our current apartment, (which we've now been in for 3 1/2 years), has treated us well. It has a yard. A YARD! That is almost unheard of in New York City. In fact, that's predominantly why we took this apartment pretty much sight-unseen save for a few pics when we moved cross country from California. It also has a sizable kitchen for a New York apartment - and is located in Park Slope, one of the nicest neighborhoods in Brooklyn - rife with more puppies and babies than anyone really knows what to do with.
We have adored living here, but the cons are starting to outweigh the pros.
Notably:
- No room for Gypsy to walk or crawl.
- The only "room" available for Gypsy is a basement level space with no windows. (It's currently used to house tons of her things, including her Pack n' Play), but she rarely spends any time down there at all.
- Her crib is in our living room. (Adjacent to our bedroom which is separated by a couple of French doors that I'll be blacking out the windows of today as we progress with Night 2 of sleep training). Please reserve commentary naysayers. Thanks.
- Our living room is more or less, Gypsy's room. (See pics).
- Our living room isn't exactly baby safe. (See pics).
- We just purchased a new TV and ordered another cable box for our bedroom because we need the living room to serve as her bedroom for naps and of course, bedtime.
- We have shitty new upstairs neighbors. Pretty sure they're in their 20s and single. Might be trust funders because they don't seem to work... like ever. I'll let you do the math there.
- Our rent is obscene. OBSCENE. That is all you need to know.
- We're not a big fan of the uber-judge-y Park Slope parenting crowd. I was at a nearby bar recently and a woman overheard me discussing vaccines with another patron, (who happened to be wearing her baby) and offered unsolicited advice on the toxins in those vaccines and how to eliminate them homeopathically. (Don't get me wrong - it was well-intentioned and clearly she was trying to help), but the intense opinions and the my-way-is-best attitude here is enough to make any newbie mother feel like an inadequate disaster). I get the impression that a neighborhood we're currently eyeing wouldn't produce as many of these encounters.
- The neighborhood we're currently eyeing is cheaper - a LOT cheaper and apartments are more spacious - MUCH more spacious. Saving money and not feeling claustrophobic in our living room seem like very good things.
So that's where I'm at. Looks like we'll be moving sooner rather than later. Just need to get through my first trip away from my adorable little girl in March/April and then we get serious.
Hey - but look at Gypsy sleeping in her crib!!!
Unreal.
Leigh Hope Fountain
(Wrote this about a week ago - so dates won't make sense).
Over the past month or so, I've asked my husband exactly two questions about his
take on this whole resurrected Star Wars craze. (You've heard of it,
right)?
1. Does it bother you that every-other-commercial features Star
Wars and that you can't throw a stick without it hitting something Star
Wars-related?
2. Did you hear what Lucas had to say about the new movie?
And if so, I want your pre- and post-viewing opinion.
This line of
questioning reminded me of why I fell for John Brian Fountain in the first
place.
(This is a demented love letter, so be warned).
Let's
start with John's answers:
1. No.
Why I love this: John is,
without question, a die-hard Star Wars fan. He loves every single movie. He
doesn't bitch about any aspect of a single one of the first six made... EVER. He
loves them all. He hasn't yet seen the seventh, but he will be (finally)
tomorrow and I am very excited for him. I also think it's a phenomenal way to
start the first day of 2016. I wish I could go with him but I can't and in a
way, I almost think it's better. It's just him and the movie. That's it. No
distractions.
2. Yes.
For those of you that didn't hear,
apparently Lucas is a bit disappointed that the story isn't as
relationship-focused as his vision for the franchise was always supposed to be
-akin to a family soap opera.
Back to John's answer. (Bear in mind that
I am paraphrasing and probably not doing his explanation/opinion
justice).
John: Yeah, he sounds a little bitter, but I don't blame
him.
Me: But he CHOSE to sell the franchise - after he probably made a
fortune just from licensing to Disney for their theme parks and what not - not
to mention countless other profitable licenses.
John: Yes, but he
probably sold it somewhat reluctantly. For the past 10 years, he's had to put up
with incessant slamming and vitriol coming from the same people who worshipped
the first trilogy.
Me: Yes, but he chose to try to be successful in
Hollywood and SUCCEEDED and anyone who goes down that path has to know that
they're going to have to deal with a combo platter of love and hate. It goes
with the territory.
John: But he couldn't have predicted that this world
he'd create would have such a monumental impact... globally - and that decades
later upon the advent of the Internet, he'd be subjected to an endless onslaught
of hatred - in the form of outright insults to accusations that he has ruined
people's lives to wildly offensive parodies. And not just online - in person
too. That has to get to him. For there to be this hateful backlash to the world
that HE created, to have to live with never being able to live up to every
single fan's expectations... it can't be easy.
Me: Jesus. You're totally
right. I guess I don't blame him for being a bit bitter either. So do you think
you're going to like the new movie?
John: Yes.
And I hope to God
he does. And I hope I do too, because my husband is totally 100% correct. George
Lucas CREATED this whole entire world that everyone is gaga for... until they
stamp their feet and decide that they could've written the latest screenplay
better. In the meantime, when you stop to consider the millions his creation has
had a monumental impact on, let alone the artists, filmmakers, etc. whose
imaginations were ignited by Star Wars, it's pretty preposterous that he even
has to deal with some of those same people raking him over the coals for
expanding that universe in a manner they deem inappropriate.
So here's
the thing. My husband's take on Star Wars is the same take he has on everything
he truly loves: He loves hard and deep and forever. That's not to say he
wouldn't admit it if he really hated any of the movies. He totally would... But
he really loves them - all of them...
... and it makes me love him more.
And he's Gypsy's dad. :)
Side note: People hated the ending to Lost, including me. I find it all
the more interesting that JJ Abrams directed the latest installment of Star
Wars.
Another side note: Since writing this, John did in fact see the movie on New Year's day and gave it a B+. I have no idea when I'll get around to seeing it. Probably not until it's on On Demand or something.
Leigh Hope Fountain
Gypsy will be 10 weeks this Thursday and I'm already finding myself stunned by the massive amounts of growth and progress taking place before my eyes on a near-daily basis.
During tummy time yesterday, she rolled over. I thought it was a fluke, put her back on her belly - and she did it again. Clearly not a fluke. I didn't think that would start for at least another month, but lo-and-behold, she did it. She's a strong little bunny, so ultimately, I guess I shouldn't be that surprised. You should see this little girl's legs. Muscle tone that leads me to believe we've got a Serena Williams situation here. Speaking of which, she's making me learn to love my own strong legs. Suddenly, I have a newfound appreciation for my gigantic calf muscles and thunder thighs. Hers are so fucking adorable I can barely take it.
Anyway - she's doing a lot of things I wasn't expecting just yet - like drooling, thumb sucking, taking interest in the television and chatting/yelling up a storm.
It's all adorable - and every new development sends me over the moon... at first... and then I find myself horrified by how quickly it's all happening. Her startle reflex seems to be disappearing too - (in fact as of today it might be gone) - which is great for her - but sad for me - especially because I find it so hilarious.
What everyone says is true: They grow up way too fast. I'm already imagining her as the rebellious teen who is dating men she shouldn't be and I'm grimacing at the thought. I'm also constantly reminding myself to enjoy every single second of her infancy because despite the sleepless nights, it's the most amazing, adorable, insane and miraculous thing I've ever experienced and it will never happen again.
This is my first and only baby. There won't be another.
Don't even try to tell me that once I've forgotten the agony of pregnancy and childbirth, I'll be dying to get knocked up again, 'cause it ain't ever gonna happen. My husband and I are standing very firm on this. We are, without question, one and done.
That said, it's all the more reason I'm so bummed that she's already growing up so fast. Of course, I'm totally excited for all of the forthcoming developments - eating solid food and watching her light up when she likes a new taste... crawling... walking... talking... I mean, who wouldn't be? But I know the second these things happen, I'll be misty-eyed thinking that my little baby is going to be an adult in the blink of an eye.
So for now, I'm going to go marvel at my little girl's drool, while I still can.
Leigh Hope Fountain
Her daddy creates things like this:
Good thing too - because I haven't had 5 free seconds to write this week and so I'm hijacking his comic this week as my blog.
Enjoy.
And if you want to see more fun stuff:
www.fountainspencomics.blogspot.com
Leigh Hope Fountain
A good friend of mine warned me about receiving oodles of unsolicited advice from people both during and post-pregnancy - and I have! Up until now, I haven't actually solicited any advice at all, either because I have already googled the shit out of the subject and formed my own opinion on whatever it was I was confused/concerned/curious about - or because it's mostly been me asking friends - "Is this normal?"
But now I am asking for advice. I may not follow it. I may secretly think you're nuts for whatever you suggest, but I am outright admitting that I am at a bit of a loss for what to do in our current situation re: Gypsy's sleeping arrangements.
Here's what's transpired thus far:
For the first few weeks, Gypsy was up at night - almost all of the time. Occasionally, we'd put her down in her bassinet - and she'd be fine for a short while, (maybe a 1/2 hour or so), but she was mostly wide awake - and eating around the clock. John and I pretty much started watching her in shifts.
In the past week or so, Gypsy has started sleeping for more than a couple of hours at a time - sometimes even going 4 whole hours without stirring. It has been blissful. That being said however, she outgrew her bassinet pretty quickly - and we've graduated her to a crib, (albeit a mini-one so it's not overwhelmingly huge), but she doesn't like it. Not one bit.
Anyway - at our last visit to the doc, her pediatrician recommended that we start up a bedtime routine... something along the lines of doing her last feeding in the dark, rocking her for a bit - and putting her down in there while she's drowsy but still awake - and then singing to her or reading her a bedtime story. The pediatrician told us that we'd fail at this for the first 30 - 40 times we tried it - and we have! At least we're on track there! She also told us not to immediately take her out of the crib if she starts fussing - but to go to her, comfort her a bit by talking softly, rubbing her belly, etc. and then only taking her out of her mini-jail if her fussiness escalates to a full-blown cry/wail. Check and check. At most, she lasts in her crib about 5 minutes before the wailing begins.
The other night - I was determined to get the whole crib thing to work, so I told John to go to sleep - and I'd just keep at it until I found success. 4 hours later, after singing the entire Adele album to her like 100 times, (I know all the lyrics by heart already), I gave up. She wasn't having it.
So, for the past many weeks, both John and I have still been sleeping in shifts with Gypsy on the couch. John never actually sleeps. Sure, he'll nod off, but no real extended periods of sleep. Fortunately, I have found a way to catch some zzz's while doing this - but it isn't easy.
Parts of my body are starting to hurt because thanks to breastfeeding, I only go to our actual bed for a few hours a night and leave Gypsy with John - and then usually just decide to stay on the couch with her for the rest of the night because it's... well... easier.
So I am getting some sleep - though I don't know how deep or restful it truly is - but I am definitely starting to grow tired of the whole setup. (I'm sure some of you are reading this and thinking that I'm doing better than most).
I know I don't like the idea of "sleep training" - where we simply let her cry it out for 3 - 4 nights until she gets the drift that she's on her own because we've basically fucking abandoned her, so my question to you folks is...
What do you suggest?
Should we just keep sticking to the bedtime routine and hope that it finally works and does so on a consistent basis?
Oh - and YES - I am familiar with the 5 Ss. We've done it all. She just doesn't like the crib.
In happy news however, she's smiling and giggling a lot.
Leigh Hope Fountain
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