Manspreading

It's an annoying New York phenomenon, (among many) - men taking up too much subway seating in order to spread their legs and let the boys breathe. It's aptly referred to as "manspreading" and even the MTA has tried to tackle the issue in its latest ad campaign to promote courtesy and discourage bad habits, including keeping your backpack on when the train is crowded, eating, primping, etc. The campaign was launched earlier this year and since, I don't think I've seen less of any of the above offenses - including manspreading. Let me be clear though - manspreading does not include those who cannot or do not wish to cross their legs and leave a moderate few inches between their knees so they're not touching. Manspreading refers to those who have their legs splayed in a rather obscene and unnecessary fashion, much to the vexation of everyone else around them.

As my belly grows and I wonder how on earth I'm even going to get up and down the subway stairs once I hit the 7 month mark or so, I also find myself wondering how I will react when people fail to give up a seat for me when I am quite noticeably pregnant - and how much more I will resent the ball sprawl epidemic that doesn't seem to be waning.

I'm just about 5 months now, and while I'm definitely showing, I guess I'm not surprised that there might still be an internal debate amongst those sizing me up on the train. I suppose there's a chance that they think I'm just fat - and developing one hell of a beer belly.

That said, I totally don't blame anyone for not wanting to assume I'm pregnant and offer me their seat only to have me angrily refuse. My colleague did this once and to cover it up, she informed the horrified woman that she was simply getting off at the next stop and did so - even though that wasn't her plan. I probably would've done the same thing. I too have occasionally eyeballed someone and wondered... Is she? Better safe than sorry and stay quiet, right? Like I said, I get it.

BUT... there comes a time when it's pretty damn apparent that someone is clearly with child and when it's time to get up off your lazy ass, (if you're not elderly, injured, disabled or pregnant yourself,) and give up your seat. This is also when I have a zero tolerance policy for manspreading - especially for the hardcore offenders... the ones who aren't merely airing out their sweaty sack but those who look as if they're intentionally trying to take up as much space as they possibly can just for shits and giggles.

Look, I know I don't have balls, (the literal kind anyway) and I can only imagine what it must be like to house those things inside boxer briefs and pants on an overly-crowded subway in the summer when it's sticky and disgusting and everyone's in a foul fucking mood and your balls just want some air... but you know what? You don't need a three foot wingspan for that and if someone else needs a seat, (especially the aforementioned elderly, injured, disabled or pregnant), I'm sure your needy 'nads will survive in a slightly more contained space temporarily.

Anyway, lucky for me I'm in my second trimester and not nearly as exhausted as I was before, so I actually don't mind standing for now. In fact, I actually enjoy assessing the tension amongst fellow passengers who wonder what's up when they size me up.

I am guessing that in another couple of months however, I will be doing everything in my power to keep from getting into fistfights if I can't get a seat on my near hour-long commute to and from work. And manspreaders, you'll be my first target. Be warned.